Control, it's not just a word in the dictionary

I like control. Maybe my two short marriages and all those relationships in between were a hint. Maybe the fact that I wake up at 4:30 a.m. at the latest so I can drink my coffee and be in the shower at 5:30 to be at work way earlier than I need to be is a hint.  Even when I think I am going to just sit and be at work on time, it doesn't happen....I am regimented to say the least.

I need control. I am realizing here in the 52nd year of my life that I have none. People live and they die, you make decisions, people override them, you work hard to make something happen, it doesn't happen. I am not dealing with this realization of this loss of control well.