Saturday, May 8, 2010


Have you ever been stuck in a rut? No, I mean a real rut. I used to have a 100 yard red clay drive way in New Mexico. Monsoon season and that driveway was one very big rut. You could aim straight & follow the rut and get out, but one wrong move and you were stuck. Sideways....the only way out was to get back in the path of the rut and try to go slowly.

I've been stuck in a rut. Not a red clay rut, but a life rut. Wet red clay all the way out and one slip and I was out of the rut and just spinning my tires.

Sometimes the way out of a rut is straight through it. Hang on tight, keep the steering wheel steady and aim for the horizon. It does no good to complain about the rut, it is what it is. It does no good to fight the rut, the rut doesn't care how you feel. You can steer left and you can steer right, but the only way out is to just keep moving forward. Slow and steady.

Today I beat the rut. I got up, I went to the gym, walked 2 miles and burned 207 calories. I was sweating people! It was dripping down my forehead, that was awesome.

I colored my hair a really awesome slightly reddish color, got my nails done, took care of some work responsibilities, got my Mom my signature Mother's Day gift, went to the grocery store and got what I need, not what I want....except for the low calorie ice cream bars I let myself have, and now I'm home....not throwing myself into my housecleaning, but not sitting here looking at it either.

Oh, and I bought myself flowers, because I'm awesome.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Cell Phones & other musings

Remember the days when the  phone cord wasn't long enough for you to get any privacy? I'll bet most of you don't. Now we have cell phones. Cell phones cause car accidents, cell phones cause loss of intimacy.....oh really? You don't believe me? Talk to someone whose partner is obsessed with their cell phone. Today I had two conversations with two different people and both of those conversations dropped....I never heard from them again. Was that on purpose or just a part of cell phone living? Maybe they just regretted calling me...that wouldn't be the first time.

I have a pay as you go phone because I despise bills.  When I bought it I paid extra to get double minutes, now every time I pay for 200, I get 400. That makes me happy...even if I do pay too much for those minutes I won't get a bill on the 25th of the month.

My son is a criminal. There I said it. It's weighing on me, it's making me question my parenting and my own morals and I'm not even sure what else. It makes me angry and sad. My son is a criminal. What an every day word for something that is really just so ugly. He does things with no regard for who else gets hurt. He gets caught, because if you notice I never said my son is a smart or good or wily criminal, just that he is one. He does stupid stuff that hurts other people and then he goes to jail. He sits in there and for all I can fathom he's right at home. The people that he's hurt, however, probably don't sleep that well, and for that, I'm sorry.

I tried, I want you to know. I did. I may not have been the best Mother but I did try to instill some morals in my children. Two of them have them, and even if their lives aren't the best, they seem to understand when they've hurt someone else and they react like we react when we've discovered that our actions have caused pain.

I have to go now. Remind me to tell you next time about the hole in my pants and how I fixed it, because that, my friends, is a much better story than this one has turned out to be.