Sunday, December 27, 2009

Asta la vista Christmas the New Year is just around the corner...

So....Christmas was great. Well except that working part, but hey, I'll take time and a half, I'm not made of money and I don't have a Sugar Daddy....yet. Geeez, just thinking that I realized that if I wanted a Sugar Daddy he'd have to be about 75 or so...ok, I'll just work holidays.

I spent one day at my sister's and the next at my brother's. After spending almost the last 25 years alone at Christmas, this is like Disneyland. I make food. I MAKE FOOD....and people eat it, and they don't die or have salmanella in the morning. I remember when my kids got older and I started cooking for the holidays. They would come over and say "You can tell it's Thanksgiving, look at all those boxes and cans." Hey, I did what I could for someone that never quite fit, never grew up,  that didn't know where she belonged & flipped like a fish out of water until I landed here.....back with my family.

I have family in New Mexico. Important family. My kids are there and my flesh and blood friends are there and for my year of hard work I'm treating myself to a trip back I can hug people and look into their eyes and they'll know me and I'll know them and it will be like warm fuzzy pajamas for a week. Then I'll come back here where I got warm and fuzzy pajamas for Christmas and my nephew told me he'd help me with my math class, and when I go to a party people look like me and they have the same last name and the same memories....and that's warm and fuzzy all in itself.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas Eve

Hello Everyone. I hope this holiday season finds you happy, healthy and warm. This has been quite a year. I think for the first time in many years I'm kind of sad to see it go. It was so full of changes, some good, some bad, but all for a darn good reason.

I watched the economy change the lives of so many of my friends and family, most of them (thankfully) are moving forward not much worse for the wear. We got to see what we were made of in 2009 and I hope that you were all pleased with what you discovered. There are no tofu turkeys in my circle, just lots and lots of hearty "where's the beef?" kind of people. I'm so proud of everyone.

In 2009 I discovered that a year and a half is too long to be away from my kids, that I'm actually a pretty good student despite what my highschool history would tell you. Cold, snowy winters don't bother me as much as I was afraid they would, but humidity does. I love geese. I CAN cook. I have a great family and I'm so glad for this chance to get to know them all again.  I have wonderful friends and every year I thank God for each and every one of them, even the ones that make me crazy or the ones that call in the middle of the night (you know who you are). I love you.

I hope you all have the most wonderful holidays ever and 2010 is full of surprises and that the majority of them are good ones.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

My Life Has Carpal Tunnel

Have you ever noticed how much time you spend doing, un-doing and re-doing the same things over and over? I have. As a matter of fact sometimes I lay in bed thinking about it. "Now I'm going to have to make this bed in the morning, I should've just slept on top of the covers."

Does a clean kitchen make you hungry? It does me. As soon as I get my kitchen really clean I want to cook something.

Laundry! I loathe laundry! I gather up all that dirty stuff from my bathroom floor, my bedroom floor, the backs of chairs, on top of the hamper, and of course IN the hamper, shove it into a big blue bag that says "Laundry Bag" on the side (isn't that just adorable?). Then I grab my soap and haul it to the laundry room.

Oh, but first I have to count quarters, find the key to the laundry room and check the time, because my laundry room isn't open until the cleaners get home from church. Seriously? What about us heathens? Why does a laundry room need to be cleaned before I can wash my clothes anyhow? Isn't the fact that it's a laundry room kind of make you think that most stuff in there is pretty clean anyhow?  Personally I prefer to do my laundry by the light of the moon during those odd hours that I am awake because I don't want to mess up my bed or there's still more wine in the box. If I ever get rich I'm buying disposable clothes...

Have you ever cleaned your bathroom and then really had the urge to go to a truckstop to shower and do your morning constitutional because by God you just cleaned all that stuff?

Last week my shower broke. I'm standing there enjoying the warm water and pondering the fact that this "Biggest Loser" guy said the best thing about losing all that weight was that he could now wash his back and wondering if I lose some weight could I wash my back because I haven't been able to reach my back for the better part of my life...but anyhow, suddenly I hear a pop.That little thingamajig that you pull up to make the water come out of the showerhead drops and there is no water coming out of anywhere.

Now you know that had to be a Monday morning, showers never break on Thursdays, but because I am the kind of woman I am I got that sucker to work by fiddling with the handle long enough to rinse off. I remind myself to call the landlady later after they open to get it fixed. All of a sudden I realize I'm going to have maintenance men in my apartment (just the fact that any man is going to be in my apartment kind of freaks me out in a sad sort of way. I cleaned before the delivery man brought my new bed).

So there I am, naked and wet (believe me, it's not as hot as it sounds, but thanks for thinking it might be), scrubbing my tub.

Don't get me wrong, I clean my shower on a regular basis. I even wipe down the walls after my shower to avoid all that stuff that requires scrubbing bubbles (thanks for that tip, Mom), but I don't always move those assorted  half full/half empty bottles of various bodywash, shampoos and conditioners that we women like to collect.

My tub got cleaned, so did my sink and my toilet (for good measure), dirty clothes were removed from the bathroom floor and placed in the hamper and my shower got fixed. Then the lock on my front door broke......

My life has carpal tunnel, I wonder if there is a special kind of brace I could wear?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

News Update 12/16/09

In the news this week. Ok....some guy won Times Man of the Year, I don't even know who he is. Probably my bad.

The Duggars had their 19th child, early. Now I have nothing against people having as many children as they want as long as they can afford them, but I think Michelle needs to put the brakes on here. Their whole philosophy of the older children taking care of the younger ones seems fine, until one of the younger ones has a whole boatload of problems the designated older one didn't count on.

Did you hear about the tourists who accidentally had breakfast with the President? How cool is that? I wonder, though, how many people are going to show up "accidentally" on the wrong day of their tour from now on.

We have here some of the best quotes of the year

PeeWee is back!
I have to say I have missed him and his talking chair. I thought he got a raw deal. We've seen many who have done more and got less punishment than ol' Pee Wee got.

They're suspecting foul play in the disapearance of the Utah Mom. Oh really? Like the husband going on a camping trip with toddlers in winter weather to make s'mores because he forgot it was Sunday wasn't enough to make it suspiscous?

Ok, about the kid with the Jesus cross....I haven't made up my mind completely about who is lying here. His Dad says it was over the picture, the school says the Dad is lying. Well now we go back to my philosophy about liars..."When somebody lies only the sane people think they're crazy: Somebody is lying, so who is crazy, us or them? I don't know who the liar is but the school says there were many more issues, Dad says it was over this picture. I'm thinking I'm siding with the school on this one, unless I hear differently. Parents haven't been stacking up well in the books lately.

There was another "study" about young city girls and STD's. It involved 381 girls from the same area...well hell, if I was one of those 381 girls and they didn't send me out of town to see if my chances were better or worse, I'd feel cheated. Unless the ratio of boys to girls was significantly higher, what did they expect? Just who exactly did they think those 381 girls were sleeping with?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

In The News & Other Stuff

Hey, let's talk.

First of all, let me tell you that my cat is like no other cat. I wouldn't say she is my pet, except of course, for the fact that I feed her & clean up her poop. I think if you looked that up, that would make me her servant. I try to be a good one. Zoey is obsessed with suckers. Not those people on the street that buy fake Rolex's but suckers, Tootsie Roll Pops, Dum Dums. She been obsessed since the Halloween before last.

I keep suckers in the house because they remind me of my childhood and visits to my grandparents house & because I use them as stress relief when I can't smoke. I smoke. Don't tell anyone, it's something I do in the closet, not literally, but it may as well be.

I keep suckers on top of my fridge, Zoey jumps up there, delicately takes one down with just the one paw and let's it fall to the floor. I didn't realize this was happening until I found 7 tootsie roll pops scattered around the house AND I heard her rustling with packaging and I couldn't figure out what she could be messing with. I discovered her on top of my fridge. So now I pick up the suckers and I put them back in the bowl. I decided it gave her something to do with her spare time.

Ok, on to the news.

The University of Minnesota did a study on kids and casual sex. The did a survey of 1300 kids and were surprised to find that only one fifth said their last encounter was casual and that they weren't emotionally affected by this. I have so many problems with this "study" that I'm not sure I can list them all.

First of all 1300 kids in Minnesota does not a study make. Secondly, are they taking into consideration that not all kids are honest while doing these surveys let alone with themselves. Thirdly, 260 kids that admit to having casual sex and say they're ok with it is not some scientific break through....260 kids out of the millions we have in America is not a whole lot. If you're going to do an interview, call it an interview and if 1300 kids from one area are the only ones involved, don't call it a study.

"We were so surprised," said Marla Eisenberg, an assistant professor at the university's School of Public Health.

"The conventional wisdom is that casual sex, 'friends with benefits,' and hooking up is hurtful."

How about you check with a few thousand more kids, and maybe talk to them past the age of 24 and see if their sexual history isn't a little more "hurtful" after they've grown up and become adults.

This "study" reminds me of the pro-life commercial that talks about how many abortions are repeat abortions. I can't remember the percentage now, but one night I did the math. There are very few women who use abortion as birth control, but this PSA insinuates that most women do. I find it offensive that they think I'm not smart enough to do the math and I think it's offensive that they are painting every woman who has ever had an abortion for whatever reason in the same light as those few who are too lazy to take care of themselves.

Ok, on to the second part of my news report. What is up with women using food as a weapon? Is this a new thing or just something I wasn't told about? First we had the woman who beat her man with a raw steak for asking for a roll instead of the sliced bread that she was offering (I guess this puts a new meaning on the "best thing since sliced bread" adage), and then we have a woman who pours grits on her boyfriend because he said he was breaking up with her. Women! There are starving children in America, you're wasting food and going to jail, who is this helping???

Jon Gosselin has been banned from public appearances (at least those that pay) Yay Judge!!

We have a convict who is going to get his tattoos covered by a make up artist before court everyday because his lawyer feels that they may sway the jury against him. Hey, he put them on there, let the tattoo sway where it may.

Chastity (Chaz) Bono is very happy in her...I mean his, role of a man. He had his breasts removed but refuses to talk about the rest of his surgery. His longtime girlfriend says she's very happy too. Ok, two things. Chaz, you're not attractive, not as a woman or a man, and secondly, wasn't this a lesbian relationship? I think you're both confused.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


I know some of you can hear that title in just the way I do. "Glee!" I love this show. I've watched it from the beginning and the only thing about it that makes me sad is that I'm not going to see it again until April.

I read an article today about the shows ending, I almost didn't read it because I watch most of my tv after the fact and didn't want it to spoil the show. Well I think they did a great job.

This show makes my heart sing. I think the only problem I have is that I always want more songs from those kids. Sue Sylvester...well we know she'll be back, meaner and madder than ever. Yay!

Will caught Terry. Good, she was a conniving liar of a wife anyway. Who fakes a pregnancy then still bitches about anything else? She gets him a car? Oh good because that would make me not think about sex for the next 4 months.

Emma did good, well up until that last minute. Because up until then I was going to give her a DHH award! She acknowleged, she admitted and she owned. (Some of you will know just exactly what I'm talking about).

The kids...well they're just the kids, going through all the things that if we didn't go through personally, we knew someone that did. Only they do it with music. I wish I would've had the Glee Club singing out my problems in highschool. I can't sing, but I certainly would've cheered them on.

Did you see the last show. Here it is if you didn't.

No News is Good News?

Well folks, I've been scouring the news for interesting articles. Lately not too much has caught my attention. Thank God the Gosselin's are finally out of the news. Oh wait! I saw an article that said the Kate Gosselin was waitressing at a restaurant in VA. I thought the woman finally decided to do something besides exploit her children and her manbaby ex for a living...but alas, she was "trying something up for a potential new show". I don't know what it was but I can't imagine watching her waitress would be much more interesting than watching her cry while she talks about how sad her children are that there aren't cameramen all over the house anymore. They probably miss having someone that actually played with them off camera.

The big storm wasn't so big here. It mostly just got cold. We had some snow that required plows outside my bedroom window for two hours the other night...I think 1 a.m. until 3 a.m. is the PERFECT time to plow. Maybe we could get those garbage men to change their arrival time from that late morning 5 a.m. to this so much better 1 a.m. It would be like a big engine orchestra out there. I can't wait until they start breaking out the snow blowers at 11p.m. like they did last year. I may not sleep until Spring! You know, the pictures they paint of winter in Wisconsin are always full of deer and laughing children in snowsuits, fires in fireplaces....not the banging of snow plow blades on the pavement and garbage trucks that beep and roar and arrive before the crack of dawn.

Oh, I did find one really funny article about Tiger Woods. No really....this one was funny! I know you're all sick of him but you gotta check this out, this was great!

Monday, December 7, 2009

In The News for Monday 12/7/09

All I can say is Oh My Lord.

There is a guy who injected his wife with his blood because he's HIV positive and she refused to have sex with him. He thought if she was infected she'd change her mind. I don't know about you but if some guy is injecting me with his infected blood while I sleep I don't think I'm going to be inclined to get cozy with him at any point in time. Another guy got arrested for shoving a hamburger in his girlfriend's face, in his defense (and if you know me at all you would know I don't defend these actions often) she had poured her soft drink on said hamburger. If you're going to be abusive expect the worst. Fox news has an awesome slide show on gorgeous celebrity women who have been cheated on. I have to say I felt better after reading it. The Denver Broncos barrell man died. To be honest I had no idea who he was until I read this piece, but when I read that he sold a barrell full of signatures of players from Superbowl XXXII to Black Hawk casino for $30,000 and donated the money to a Battered Women's Shelter I was immediately sad that he was gone. Another young man is dead after parachuting off a cell phone tower in AZ into high voltage wires...which part of "High Voltage" do you think made him think parachuting into them would be a good idea? Or, how about the guy that lost $127 MILLION to a Las Vegas casino and says that they plied him with alcohol and pain medication to keep him gambling. Now there's a "Duh" moment if I've ever heard one. Send him my way, I'll give him alcohol and any pills I can find if he'll just accompany me to the Mall.

So there is the news from my window. Have a great Monday

Monday mornings

Well, it's Monday...again. How does this keep happening? If there was one thing I would eliminate, given the power, it would be Monday mornings. I despise them. I never feel rested, I never get enough sleep and I never get anything done over the weekend that I say I'm going to. Monday mornings are almost always a rude reminder that I spent the weekend being a sloth.

If you're a fan of Monday mornings, please raise your hand.

See, I knew I wasn't alone in this. Mondays suck.

But here I am, in exactly 4 minutes I'm going to get in the shower, shortly after that I'll figure out what I'm taking for lunch, in the mean time I'll be taking one more step toward getting ready to leave the house, because that's what Mondays are, a series of steps designed to get you back into the real world. I want to go back to bed, I want to pull the blankets over my head, I want to call in sick and just stay here ONE MORE DAY.....but I can't and I won't and that just isn't going to happen, so look out world, here I come. Ready or not.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Click and they're gone

Ok, I don't imagine I'll be here so often, but it's my first day, cut me some slack for being excited. So....I was talking to my friend & I told her I am lonely. I hate being lonely, it's such a pathetic state, but it is what it is.

She said that she understood. Most of my friends are long distance friends. online friends, PHONE friends. She said "Once you hear that click, they're gone." She is so right. There is no body in my living room, there is no body in my kitchen. It's just me and that bitch cat that I'm obligated to feed because she lives here, ok, I like her, but don't make me admit that twice.

I'm used to having a house full of friends. I'm used to having people that I see, I hug, I listen to. I am not used to the silence of living alone. I can hear my computer! I'm going on vacation next month and I'm going to be with MY people. I can't wait.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger

So, as I stood in the grocery store this morning I looked at the magazines like we all do. All I saw besides one scary cover that said Oprah was dying, was Tiger Woods.

Oh Tiger, what were you thinking? You had a sweet deal. Great wife, huge career, sponsors, beautiful children...but you couldn't keep your pants zipped. In the beginning, Tiger, I wanted to believe you. It's a weakness, I always want to believe people first and doubt later. I'm doubting now Tiger. Not only did you run around with cheap women, you ran around with cheap, conniving women. And Tiger! You left messages... "Hey, this is Tiger..." What WERE YOU THINKING?? It's not like your name is Bob or Bill or John, your name is TIGER! So now, even if your wife wants to forgive you, she can't, not without you walking through glass on your knees while carrying a red rose and a very large diamond in those oversized teeth of yours. Oh Tiger, Tiger, Tiger.


I have a friend, Lyn, who loves my news updates. I plan on posting them here. I hope she is not the only one who loves them.

Hi, I'm Kay

Not really, but we'll have more on that later.

I'm single, I'm 50. I have hot flashes and a cat. I'm a walking, talking cliche.

I don't live with my cat because I love cats. I live with my cat because I can't have a dog. I've thought often of getting fish, not because I like fish, but because I think it would give my cat something to do while I'm at work. My cat's name is Zoey and frankly, she's a bitch.

I work. I love my job and I think I'm good at it. I wear a badge and all day long I tell men where to go. It's one of the perks of the job. The other day a guy told me I was single because I'm mean, I told him that he was probably right & then I walked him out the door and sent him on his way.

I am single because I can't find a man that deserves to be in my life, not in that put your toothbrush in my awesome "Starry Starry Night" toothbrush holder cup kind of way. I have men in my life, great men, just none that are mine. Some are relatives, some belong to other women, some belong to other men, none of them belong to me.

I plan on using this wonderful forum to record my thoughts. I'm hoping some people might find them interesting or at least amusing. We'll see.

This is Kay, over and out.