Sunday, April 11, 2010

Nifty Fifty?

I was just reading my friend's blog, well written, funny, creative and all about turning 30. When I was thirty I had a tight ass and a flat belly (I'll bet she does too). My hair didn't have any gray in it and I could still wear short shorts. Today....not so much.

My belly hasn't been flat in about a decade, my ass has long since gone south, the hair has gray about every six weeks if I neglect it and short shorts? Yeah, those would be my underwear.

Recently I had some health issues. It turned out to be nothing but for about a week there I was pretty nervous and actually making plans in case of the worst. Who would take my cat? Could I move back in with my parents? Maybe I should switch shifts at work so I can make my Dr's appointments.....but, like I said, it turned out to be nothing. I'm sure my cat and my parents breathed a sigh of relief.

What this whole thing DID do, however, was make me realize my age and my limitations. Those limitations were even greater because of the sedentary lifestyle I leave, my love of wine and my lack of will power when it comes to tobacco products and those deep satisfying inhalations accompanying a cup of coffee in the morning or my favorite (for the moment) alcoholic beverage at night. Basically I had turned myself into a sloth.

So I joined a gym and gave up the nicotine (again). Giving up the nicotine is proving to be less difficult than I had imagined but joining the gym has become quite the adventure. I think adventure is good for me, so I am embracing in wholeheartedly...with arms that can barely open a pickle jar and legs that threaten to buckle on my way down the stairs. You see, with the membership came a free consultation with a personal trainer. Oh, he was pretty on the eyes and I swear I could've bounced a dime off of his ass, not that I was looking at his ass or anything....

I explained to him that I had hit 50 and I wasn't pleased with the direction my body was taking. Noticeably DOWN. He gave me one of those smiles 28 year olds in top physical condition gives to someone like me. It was sympathetic, it was understanding and it was with twinkling blue eyes....he said "I can help you".

I wanted nothing more than to show this guy that I could do this. I may be 50, but I still got it, or have it, or at least could find it with some gentle guidance. The exercises he showed me couldn't be sanctioned by the AMA, I'm not even sure they're legal. He had me standing with my legs spread wider than the width of my not so slim body and he wanted me to bend. BEND? With my back straight and my eyes straight ahead. How was I supposed to know where to put my hands when I inevitably fell over. And then....then...he handed me two 10 lb. weights. I THOUGHT HE LIKED ME!!

I did three of the exercises he showed me (cheated on the reps) and 30 minutes on the treadmill (where I burned off 100 calories then went to my parents and ate 1100). My legs feel like rubber and my shoulders feel like I picked cotton all day.

I'll be back tomorrow though...because dammit, I'll show him! Fifty may not be nifty, but it isn't a quitter either.

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