Sunday, December 6, 2009

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger

So, as I stood in the grocery store this morning I looked at the magazines like we all do. All I saw besides one scary cover that said Oprah was dying, was Tiger Woods.

Oh Tiger, what were you thinking? You had a sweet deal. Great wife, huge career, sponsors, beautiful children...but you couldn't keep your pants zipped. In the beginning, Tiger, I wanted to believe you. It's a weakness, I always want to believe people first and doubt later. I'm doubting now Tiger. Not only did you run around with cheap women, you ran around with cheap, conniving women. And Tiger! You left messages... "Hey, this is Tiger..." What WERE YOU THINKING?? It's not like your name is Bob or Bill or John, your name is TIGER! So now, even if your wife wants to forgive you, she can't, not without you walking through glass on your knees while carrying a red rose and a very large diamond in those oversized teeth of yours. Oh Tiger, Tiger, Tiger.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe he was heavily influenced by Boris Becker.

    Ol' Tiger had everything, a great wife, a fantastic family, and loads of money.

    Well, they say money can't buy happiness, but it looks as if here it couldn't buy common sense, either.